Never Let Me Go - Erin and Jay
by OhmyGreysCPD
Summary: Can Erin and Jay save their relationship? Or is it the end of what we all loved.
1. Chapter 1

She tried to say something but nothing would come out. Everything she wanted to tell him was rambling through her mind yet the person on the other line heard nothing, only silence. She stared at the floor, and then the roof, trying to hold back the tears she felt forming in her eyes. Of course she knew that he couldn't see her right at that moment but she still felt shy about crying over him, her face was hot and her stomach felt like there was a huge weight in it.

"Erin" she heard the person speak. It was a deep, gruff voice. It was familiar and it soothed her mind.

"Are you there? Erin?" the voice continued.

"I-I'm sorry" she immediately hung up the phone and fell to the ground in front of her couch.

She was stupid for calling him, after he told her that it was over, that what she did hurt him so deeply he never wanted to see her again.

Erin knew she couldn't give up on him too easily. If jay had to be in her position he would be going crazy all over the place looking for her. _If Jay had to be in her position._

It had been over 5 months since Nadia died, since Erin quit her job, and almost over 2 months since she saved Jay.

The guilt never left her, she worried day and night over the fact that Jay can get hurt any minute and it would be her fault.

(flashback)

Jay: "God dammit Erin, you told me you were fine, you promised me you were getting better. I trusted you. You came back to me, what the hell is this?"

Erin: "Jay listen to me, it is not what you think. I thought I got rid of everything I had, I must've missed a bag, and you got to believe me Jay. You can still trust me."

Jay: "Can I?"

Jay: "Can I trust that if you're not having a good day you will not finish that bag of drugs, and that you will not run off to Bunny again, leaving me here alone, again?"

There was a nervous silence between the two, Jay looked at Erin dead in the eye but her eyes lingered everywhere except his face.

Jay: "ANSWER ME ERIN"

Erin jumped.

Erin: "You don't get it Jay. I am clean now, I have been clean ever since I risked my life for you. I knew I had that bag there. I never threw it away because I thought that maybe I might go back for it, maybe I wouldn't be able to stay clean. I severed all ties with my mom, but you just don't get it."

Jay: "Get what?"

Erin: "Ever since Nadia-"

Jay: "Oh my god, enough with Nadia."

Erin: "Just let me finish."

Erin: "Ever since Nadia died, I haven't been myself. A new person came over me, and I tried to fight that person off, every day I continue to fight that person off but when Alvin called me, and told me that you were kidnapped, that person took over me again."

"I FEAR every day that I am going to lose you, that maybe the next time someone calls me to tell me you have been kidnapped, I cant save you. And, it hurts me, it kills me knowing that I may lose you, like I lost Nadia, that I may not be able to save you no matter how much I try to do so. When I get that feeling, that is when the person comes. So I am so sorry if you thought that getting over my drug problem will be the easiest thing to over come. I am trying jay, and if you cant handle me trying then-"

Jay: "Then what?"

Erin: "Then leave.

(end of flashback)

The tears that she was once holding back finally fell down her face. She didn't know who to call, Voight doesn't know that they are fighting, Olinksy had his own problems, and Bunny, Bunny was out of the question.

Erin knew she had to take manners into her own hands, so she called up Mouse.

"Hey Erin, it's quite late, what's up? Is something wrong?"

"I need a favor"

"Sure, what is it?"

"I need you to track Jay's phone for me"

"Umm, okay, what's this for?"

"I need to find Jay but I can't ask him, can you just track it for me?"

"Okay, okay give me… found it"

"He's staying in an apartment on West Loop st."

This was a bold move. She contemplated about waiting till the next day as it was 2 am in the morning but her anxiety grew more and more each second. She grabbed her jacket and her keys and made her way for her car.

She didn't know what she was doing, she couldn't even open her mouth to form one word over the phone, how in the world did she think she'd be able to speak to him in person. That thought was quickly knocked out of her mind once she reached the apartment he was staying in. Mouse told her the floor and number he was in which made it easier for her to find him.

Erin knocked on the door 3 times.

Jay opened the door, his face was remarked with confusion as he didn't expect it to be Erin standing in front of him.

They stood in complete silence again as Erin couldn't muster up the courage to say something. A few minutes passed and as Jay opened his mouth to say something she beat him to it.

"Can I come in?"

"For what?"

"I need to talk to you"

"I think you said enough the last time we spoke. Remember that? When you told me to leave because you thought I couldn't handle you."

"Jay.."

"No, Erin stop. I don't want you to come in here and give me this long apology. If you think I don't understand you, you are right. I don't. I worked so hard to get you back into intelligence, back into your normal life, back into mine when Nadia passed away. I stuck with you at your darkest times."

"I did too."

"You saved me Erin. I have told you how grateful I am for that but every time I need you, every time I get a flashback of getting beaten up by those guys, you are never there to comfort me, and I cant do this anymore. I can't be in a relationship where I am doing all the work."

"So I'll try harder, I can make this work Jay. You have got to believe in me, because I believe in you and I will be here the next time you need comforting, I promise."

"I've heard this story before Erin. I don't want to hear it again. I'm sorry this didn't end the way you wanted it to but I need you to leave."

"No"

"Leave Erin."

"No! I am not giving up on you. I am not giving up on us. Jay we have fought so hard to get our relationship going, and to keep it going."

" **I have fought so hard Erin**. I did. You haven't done anything. I told Voight about us, I promised him that I would protect you no matter what, I proved to him that we were meant to be together that I was worthy of your time. I did it. I fought. I fought for something that wasn't even worth my time. So don't say we."

Erin saw the hatred in his eyes. His face was hollow and dark.

She gave one last look in his eyes, nodded and turned around towards the elevator.

Is it really over? She thought. Could that have been the last conversation, the last memory, she got with the love of her life?


	2. Chapter 2

The ride back was silent, nothing went through her head and she just stared at the road ahead of her.

They had gotten into many fights before but this one was serious, it worried her, because she has never seen him this mad at her.

She reached to her apartment, got out of the car, and made her way up.

Outside the door sat an older looking man, who looked like he has been waiting outside for quite awhile.

"Voight? What're you doing here?"

"I've been waiting for you to open the door, i thought you were inside, i even tried calling you multiple times."

 **Erin looked down at her phone which was dead**

Voight looked at her face and saw the tiredness that laid under her eyes, she looked like she had been crying the whole way back and was not in the mood to do anything except lay in bed and cry over the mistake she created.

"Hey, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

"It's nothing to worry about, it's really late why are you here? Something come up at the district?"

"You haven't asked me about the district in quite awhile.. Everything is fine there, just got lonely at home so i decided to come over."

"Hmm, okay. Come on in."

They walked inside the apartment, Erin laid her jacket on the table and put the keys on the hook. Voight walked over to the couch.

"Want a beer?"

"Water will be fine."

Erin grabbed two water bottles from the fridge and moved her way to the couch.

"So, have you spoken to Jay lately? Heard he's been looking to transfer to another district."

"Really? Um, no i haven't seen him in quite a while, ever since he last came over."

It hurt to lie straight through her teeth but she didn't want Voight to ask any questions about them.

"Yeah, I thought he was a tough man after being in the war and everything, guess he's been traumatized tremendously after that accident that happened months ago."

"Can we, can we talk about something else besides Jay?"

"Of course, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I am, definitely alright"

Erin took a sip of her water and stared at the TV that was not even on.

* * *

Erin woke by the sound of her alarm, it kept getting louder and louder and aggravated her even more.

She looked around her apartment and saw that Voight wasn't there so she figured he went to the district.

 **The district.** She hasn't been there in a long time even though Voight offered her job back. There was just that something which kept pushing her farther and farther away from there.

Not going to the district meant she had idle time to do other things, but other things like what? she thought. Her mind kept going back to last night, at Jay's apartment, and the other few times they fought. She couldn't let it end like this, it wasn't the type of the person she was to let the love of her life slip away from her hands.

She grabbed her phone and tried calling Jay multiple times. Each time led to voicemail.

There was one lucky time when he actually picked up, she heard his voice but he only told her to stop calling her and he hung up.

Erin sat down and thought of different ways to attract Jay's attention since that was the only thing on her mind.

* * *

 **Jay's POV**

He felt his face getting burned from the sunlight coming in through the window. He groaned and turn around to the other side of the bed which was empty.

It used to be occupied, by a woman smaller than him, her body laid next to him and every night he would stroke his hands through her hair till she was sound asleep. At some point in the night he would be awaken again by a noise, sometimes faint, but only if he was lucky, she was a snorer, but a cute one. Even though he woke up he would let out a little laugh and smile at how this noise that bugs everyone makes him love her even more.

Well, made him love her even more. His mood instantly changed and a frown came upon his face. He looked at the alarm clock that read 10:58 am. Shit, he was late for his interview. He hadn't slept the entire night because Erin would not leave his mind.

He got up and walked to the bathroom, only having to pull his pants down he did so and hoped into the shower, the water was cold. He immediately jumped and was woken by the shock of the cold water. Erin always remembered to turn on the heater a few minutes before he went into the shower, but Erin wasn't there to do so.

After he got ready for his interview he quickly checked his phone to see a ton of missed calls and messages from Erin Lindsay. He contemplated returning one of those calls but he didn't have enough time so he saved that thought for later.

His focus, to move on, get a new job, make a life for himself. **Get Erin out of his head.** Erin out of his head, he laughed at what an idiot he was, he couldn't do that, after everything they've been through? He felt so stupid for arguing with her last night and not putting into thought of what she had to say to him, but he was just tired. Tired of always being the one cleaning up her mess.

He stopped at a red light, and checked his phone again. Then he brushed his hands across his hair that was not brushed, and looked at the empty street ahead of him. He knew what he had to do so he quickly turned the car around and drove to his opposite direction.

The Chrysler 300 was parked right outside of her apartment so he knew she was home. The nerves kicked in and he was now second doubting himself but if it wasn't now it'd be never, he got out of his car, made sure he had his phone, and walked inside the building. It was time to resolve this.

* * *

 **General POV**

Erin just got out of the shower, her hair wet, she quickly put on a T-Shirt and a pair of jeans when she heard someone knocking on her door.

As she opened the door she saw a man stand in front of her.

"Oh shit" she murmured under her breath.

"Landon?"

It wasn't the man she was expecting and definitely the man she did not want to see.

"What's up baby? Mama's been telling me how much you missed this?" He felt himself up and she knew he was drunk from whatever he had last night. She pulled him inside and as she was about to close the door she saw another man walk out of the elevator, **her man.**

She quickly closed her door and started breathing really quickly. Landon fell down on her couch but he couldn't be there once she let Jay in so she took him and locked him in her bedroom.

The knocking grew louder. "Lindsay I know you are in there I saw your car parked outside, look i just need to talk to you about last night"

"Uh, yeah I am coming hold on."

Erin closed her room door and headed out to open her apartment door.

Jay didn't expect her to open the door but she did and it startled him.

"Hey"

"Hi."

"Come in"

"I don't have to"

"It's fine, I'm not going to bite."

"You haven't cleaned up in here.."

"Yeah, I've just been busy, look Jay, what happened-"

"No stop, last night I was angry, but this morning I woke up and realized what an idiot I am, I can't live without you."

"You made it quite clear that you could last night, i believe your words where 'I don't need you here Erin, I don't need you in my life.'"

"You're right, I can live without you Erin but I don't want to. I don't want to live a life that would not have meaning, or happiness. You are my everything Erin, you motivate me to get up and fight for justice in this city, you make me smile whether you're dancing in the kitchen naked or snoring so loudly at night. I can't live a life without staring at those dimples, without looking at that forms across your face every time i call you beautiful.

"Jay"

"I'm serious Erin, I am willing to get my job back, to get my life back, I mean, if you'll let me?"

Erin let out a little laugh and shook her head.

"You are the biggest-"

She was cut off by drunk Landon who managed to open her bedroom door and make his way out to the living room.

"Erin, baby, you didn't tell me we had company over! I would've made myself more decent."

Landon wobbled over to Jay.

"Landon. Nice to meet you."

Jay's expression became angry, he stared at Landon who was drunkenly smiling at him with his hand out waiting for Jay to respond, and then he stared back at Erin who looked like she was going to throw up. His adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed the disgust that was forming in his body.

"Oh shit." Erin murmured again.


End file.
